Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
