did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize