perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
