Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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