ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
