weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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