He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
