We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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