last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
