I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
