week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
