i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I said "one day" and that day is not today
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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