atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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