he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
