just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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