There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
