I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Randomize
