I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
