Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
