This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
