Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
