This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
