She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
