I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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