worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
