yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I wish I only lived at night.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
