then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
