Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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