dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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