do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
