So drunk its hurt
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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