yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
