you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
