Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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