i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
