I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
