if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
