Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
