oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
