Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
