so that wasnt chicken after all
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
