my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
