Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?