Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.