I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying