I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.