I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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