did you get engaged???
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
