Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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