do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
