I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
