My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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