just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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