so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
