in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
