I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
