dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I cannot find my penis.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
