I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
