I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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