She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
