I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
