If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
