I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
