Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
