She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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