So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We left an ass print on the piano.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
