so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I deserve this hangover.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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