Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
