we made out on top of his cat.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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