Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
