I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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