I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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