so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
