i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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