this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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