Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
