dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
