maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
