my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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