Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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